we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
