Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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