Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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