I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
