I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
