Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
