At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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