Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
