I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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