I'm pants shitting drunk right now
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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