My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
