Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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