Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
