when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
