Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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