I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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