I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
there's paper in my vomit.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
