her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Mom said you looked used
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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