I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
