I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
