Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
