I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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