i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
