two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
