Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
