out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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