We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
