i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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