1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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