we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
