Got a toothbrush?
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
