There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
