When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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