I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
