The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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