Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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