guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
