I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
