You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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