So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
