WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
