brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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