OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
