Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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