Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
