Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
