I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
