I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
