I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
