But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
