u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
